Rose's Diary
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: Rose's diary after losing the Doctor.
1. My Doctor

_**A/N: Ok, read and review this, and when you review (not if when! :P) let me know if I should write more chapters or not!**_

_**Rose's Diary:**_

_**Chapter One: My Doctor:**_

Dear Diary,

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess I just want to talk about the Doctor, and I don't want to talk to Mum, Dad or Mickey and no one else would understand. I could talk to Poppy, but a 6 month old baby is hardly the best conversation. So I'm writing.

In all the time I travelled with the Doctor, I never really understood who he was. I learnt more about him the more I travelled. But I still don't think I ever properly knew who he was. Since I lost him, he's all I think about. And I've done a lot of thinking about who he really is. And I still don't think I know, I don't think anyone will ever truly know. This is what I do know though.

He's a Time Lord. I know that from the start. He's 900 years old. I'm not sure if that's Earth years or Gallifreyian years. He's from the planet Gallifrey, and all he has is the TARDIS. I never realised before how lost and lonely he must be.

His planet and all his people died in a war. A Time War. The Time Lords fought the Daleks and everyone lost. Other species also died in that war, but the Doctor survived. The only Time Lord in existence. He can travel in Time and in Space. He tried to save people, aliens whatever, he always tried to save them, but often he sees them die. And the one thing he can't do is go back and save his people. The Time War is a fixed point in Time and he can't go back and stop it.

I don't know what the Time War was like. I don't know if I'd want to know. But the Doctor was there. He fought in the war. He saw his people die and his planet burn, and he has to live with the memory of that. The Time Lords died but they took the Daleks with them. At least that's what they thought. They were wrong though, the Dalek emperor survived, and created a new army. Even after they were defeated there was more. The Doctor lost everything and the Daleks survived.

As well as having to live with the memories of the Time War the Doctor can see the whole of Time and Space. When I looked into the TARDIS I could see it, just for a while. I don't know how he can cope with all that. He can hear and feel all the pain of all the species. He can see all that is and was, all that ever will be, and all that could be. He can see all the things he can't control as well as all the things he can. He can feel the turn of the Earth. And he doesn't age. He told me once _'You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lord' _He always ends up alone. With no home to go to, just the TARDIS.

He regenerates, when he's dying he just regenerates. He looks completely different, but is really still the same person. That's how he's survived this long in Time and Space. He doesn't die, he just regenerates.

And that's who he is, or rather what I know of who he is. He has to come with all that but still manages to smile, and rarely cried. He is so amazing, and I love him. And I miss him so much. I just hope he finds someone else to travel with, just so that he isn't completely alone. But more than anything, I wish I was still with him. I know that can never happen though. I'll never get over him, or more on. I love him too much. And I always will.

_Rose Tyler._


	2. Face Changer

_**A/N: Ok, I am in serious need of HELP. If I am going to write more chapters to this, I need ideas of what to write in the future chapters…so after you've read in, and ya reviewing, let me know of any ideas you may have for what could be the next chapter! Thank you!**_

_**Chapter 2: Face Changer:**_

_Dear Diary,_

_The one thing that I still cant get my head around is the Doctor's regeneration. I know he was still the same person. I could tell once he woke up that he was the same person. But he was so different, his personality was slightly different, and so say he looked different would be a understatement. He had gone from being thin haired, with big ears, blue eyes and a sort of cheeky look (when I say big ears I don't mean it as a criticism, he really did), to having thick brown hair (which he so wished was ginger), normal sized ears, brown eyes, and a very cute look._

_I guess when you're with someone who can regenerate, like the Doctor can it puts to the test whether you really mean it when you say 'I don't love you for what you look like'. I've always thought looks aren't important, it's who you are that matters, and I still believe that, but that doesn't mean you expect the guy you love to go changing his face._

_If someone asked me did I love him more before or after his regeneration, I'd have to say after. Not because of the way he looked after, because I did love him before. I'd have to say after because I grew to love him even more as we continued travelling. And with saying that it implies I would love him as much as I do now, and did when I lost him, even if he hadn't regenerated, and that is true, I would. I continued loving him, and grew to love him more as I had always done after the regeneration, like it didn't matter. And it didn't matter, because I really did - and do - love him for him, not what he looks like_

_Rose Tyler. _


	3. What Now?

_A/N: I'm thinking of changing the direction of this story…but I'm keeping zipped on how I'm planning to do that! :P! To anyone who read the first 2 chapters, sorry it's been like 4 months since I wrote anything…Another one that I forgot about :S!_

_**Chapter 3: What Now?**_

_Dear Diary,_

_I keep thinking about, what is he doing now? I know he must be still out there travelling in time, and space. Doing what we always did. Without me. Did he find someone else? I'm sure he would've. Who is she? What's she like? Does he even remember me? Does he talk about me? Or does he not mention me at all like he didn't with Sarah Jane? _

_I hate thinking this! It's driving me mad. I know he would've moved on. I want him to have moved on. In a way. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to be on his own. But I want him to remember me. I don't want him to remember me the way I remember him. It hurts too much the way I remember him. I just keep thinking about what could've been and what now never will do. It hurts to much. And I'm tired of crying so much. I know he would want me to be happy, he always wanted me to be happy. But how can I be without him? _

_How do I move on from him? How do I go through each day without him? How do I live me life to the full, when he is my life? The answer's simple. I can't. I just can't. _

_Maybe I'll be able to in time. Maybe I wont. I can't see it to be honest. I can't see it ever getting any easier. I can't see myself laughing, or smiling, without him._

_So I guess I'm doomed to this forever._

_I just wanna see him again. Be with him again. But that really is impossible_


	4. New Hope

_A/N: This chapter is kinda short…but I'm hoping that the ones to follow will be longer…but realistically diaries aren't always pages and pages long. Lol. R&R!_

Chapter 4: New Hope:  
(About 12 months later):

I spent every day surviving, not living. Getting up, going to work, coming home, hgoing to bed. Never smiling, never laughing, never happy. Always thinking about the Doctor. Always feeling empty. Always thinking about what I would be doing now if the Daleks and Cybermen had never happened. Always crying or close to tears. Just surviving.

Until today! Today I found out something and I can't stop smiling! I found out the walls if the universe are weakening. Of course that isn't a good thing. It's a major disaster meaning every parallel world will be in danger. So I _should _be really worried, and I am worried. Just not as much as I should be. I can't help but be happy. I know this sounds really selfish, and it probably is, but I'm happy because it means I'll be able to step across dimensions. I'll be able to go back to my home world, and see him again. The Doctor. I'll be able to see him again. Be with him again. And that's just _**brilliant. **_

I hadn't smiled for so long, and now I can't stop. I was worried that he may have regenerated, but then I realised I don't care. I just want to see him. If he looks the same it'll be great, but if he's regenerated nothing will have changed. I'll still love him. Nothing will ever stop me loving him.

Rose Tyler.


	5. First Time Unlucky

_Chapter 5: First Time Unlucky:_

I went through today. Across the dimensions, back to my home world. And I saw him. I actually saw him. But then I had to come back. I couldn't even le him see me. I'd gone through too early. Too soon. This world is ahead of that one in time. And the darkness is coming. It's coming from across the stars, and the Doctor is the only one who can stop it. I have to go through at the right time. To see him. To warn him. Then I can help him save everyone.

It was so tempting to just run up to him and tell him I was back. For good. But I knew I couldn't. I came back because I knew I had to. It broke my heart seeing him again, and having to just walk away like I was never there.

Donna spoke to me. She's a woman who was about the start travelling with the Doctor. She spoke to me, to tell some woman about some keys. Then she ran off to the TARDIS. I turn and watch her until she was out of sight. The whole time I just wanted to call after her. 'Donna, tell him I love him' I wanted to shout, but I didn't. I just fought back the tears, and watched her run to him. Then I came back, and the tears fell. They didn't last long. Not compared to when I lost him. It hurt seeing him and walking away, but I knew I was going to see him again.

I just wish time would hurry up, so that I _could _see hi again. Hug him again. Just be with him again. And let him finish his sentence.

He looked so great! He hasn't regenerated, he's still the same. Still exactly the same. Same hair, same body, same smile. Exactly the same as when I last saw him. Same suit. Just everything was exactly the same. It felt like a dream seeing him again, even from a distance. Though I hadn't slept much since losing him, all the times I did sleep I dreamt of him. My mind had a perfect image of him, seeing him again was like being in one of those dreams. Expect it was real. So so real.

A dream come true.

Rose Tyler.


	6. Donna

_Chapter 6: Donna:_

He's alive. He's alive. He is alive. He is alive. I needed to keep telling myself that, because I couldn't get the image of the stretcher being pulled away, out of my head. I know he _**is **_alive though. He is.

I guess I should explain. I probably seem a bit hysterical. I probably _am _a it hysterical, but try seeing the guy you love on a stretcher dead and _not _be hysterical.

I crossed the dimensions again, and again the time was wrong. It was back to Christmas 2006, just after I lost the Doctor. And time was wrong. The Doctor was killed by a giant spider, and it all happened so fast he couldn't regenerate. So he was dead. The Doctor, my Doctor, was dead. It's been months since I saw it but I can't stop thinking about it.

I knew time was wrong. And I knew I needed to sort it out. I needed the Doctor alive. The whole universe, and ever universe needed the Doctor alive. He's the only one who can save us. I worked non-stop, to try and find the cause of this disturbance in time. I worked with torchwood in this world, and unit in that world. The TARDIS was brought up from under the Thames. She was dying without the Doctor. So dark, and lonely on her own.

I worked with Torchwood in this world, and UNIT in that world. I sounded like the Doctor as I was working. Mum pointing that out, and I then realised how right she was. The sort of things I said sounded just like him. With UNITs help I started to get some results. I never told them by name though. I knew when time in this world went right again, that if any of these people remembered my name then the Doctor could find out too soon. For ages we found nothing, and the world became a disaster around. London was destroyed by a replica of the Titanic. Millions of people in America were turned into Adipose - fat creatures - by diet pills. The channel's borders were closed. Houses were shared so much there was hardly room to move. Non-English people in England were sent to labour camps. And all of this happened because the Doctor wasn't around to stop it.

Then we found something. It was all based around Donna Noble. There was something on her back. A time beetle, that had made her to back, and change a decision. A seemingly small decision, but a decision that made her never meet the Doctor. It was Donna that saved him from the giant spider. From himself, and this time beetle changed it, so she wasn't there to save him. But then we started to get separate readings from Donna herself. She was important to everything.

UNIT and I used energy from the TARDIS to create a Time Machine, to send Donna back. I knew she had to die, and I knew I was sending her to her death. And that was such a hard thing to do. I didn't want to do it, but it was the only way. I tried to look at it as this wasn't the real Donna, just a version from a wrong world, but I couldn't believe that. I knew I was sending her to her death. But I was sending her back to stop this world. To stop the Doctor from dying. This Donna would die, but the Donna she was going back to make turn left would live, and be with the Doctor. And the Doctor would live.

As Donna died I whispered two words to her. Two words I knew the Donna who lived would remember. Two words to warn the Doctor. Two words to tell him that the walls of the universe were weakening. Two words to tell him I was coming back. Two words that were: Bad Wolf.


	7. A Dream About To Come True

_A/N: This chapter is stupidly short, but I wanted a little ending thing…please R&R! can't believe I've finally finished!_

_Chapter 7: A Dream About To Come True:_

This is it. This is really it. In just a few moments time, I'm going back to my home world. Back to the Doctor. I'm going to see him and stay with him forever. This is it. Got to go. Really got to go.

Doctor, I'm coming back to you!


End file.
